Why Clint Has Never Tried It On With Natasha
by Blackrose197666
Summary: The guys are confused by Clint and Natasha's seemingly platonic relationship. Clint finally explains. Two of the guys are still confused though. Slash but no pairings.


**Author's Note**: Just a little one shot 'cause my brain can't ever switch off. And I love when Thor looks all confused.

**Disclaimer: **Don't have anything to do with Marvel and their wonderful play-land of creations … sigh…

**Why Clint Has Never Tried It On With Natasha**

"I don't understand."

Steve turned to Tony with an arched eyebrow.

"_You_? Not understanding something?" he smirked. Thor however gave Tony an earnest look.

"What troubles you?"

"_That_," Tony gestured across the battle ground to where Clint sat on a pile of rubble, Natasha wiping blood from his bicep as the man simply concentrated on re-stringing his bow. He did not even bat an eyelid as Natasha leant across him to reach some bandages the paramedics had left for them, her leather clad cleavage right in his face.

"Agent Romanov giving agent Barton medical attention?" Thor asked. Tony waved his hands around in what was probably to him a sensible motion but to everyone else was some kind of swirling pattern.

"No! Romanov and Barton! They're so… I mean look at them… look at _her_…"

Steve rolled his eyes.

"I think he means he doesn't know how Clint can simply be friends with a woman as attractive as Natasha," the Captain informed Thor, casting a glance at Tony to ensure he had understood the other man properly, giving a small, satisfied nod as the exasperated expression faded from Tony's face.

"Ah," Thor too nodded, glancing over to the two agents in question, regarding them thoughtfully. "I confess I assumed them to be more than friends at first."

Tony sighed as he looked back over at Barton and Romanov.

"I can get that they're friends - but he claims nothing has ever happened. _Nothing_," his eyebrow arched as once again Natasha leant over, her leather clad body practically sitting on Clint's lap. "_Ever_."

A brief silence fell as the three simply regarded the two agents, all looking away abruptly as they in turn looked back at them. Steve noticed Bruce approaching and offered a smile. The other man returned the smile before arching an eyebrow in Tony's direction.

"Do I want to know?" he asked. Steve started to shake his head but Thor piped up.

"He is confused by agent Barton and agent Romanov's seemingly platonic relationship."

"Ah," Bruce nodded in understanding, his turn now to glance over at the two. "Perhaps he hit on her and she kicked him in the nuts."

Tony's eyes lit up.

"That would make more sense. _And_ explain why he denies it all," he gave a definite nod. "One of you go and ask him then."

Three pairs of dubious eyes looked first to him the over to where Agent Barton was now threatening an approaching paramedic with a dagger as she tried to direct him toward a nearby ambulance. Agent Romanov laughed, waving at the paramedic dismissively.

"Ask him yourself if you're so interested," Steve suggested, warily eyeing up the blade Clint now twirled in his hand. Tony pulled a face.

"I… may have questioned him once too often on the subject already," he admitted casually with a small wave of the hand. "He may have threatened to dismember me in my sleep if I ask again. He's sneaky enough he might manage," he turned and looking expectantly back at Steve.

"Oh no," Steve shook his head adamantly. "_You_ are the one who is so desperate to find out."

Tony cocked his head to the side.

"Are you not intrigued?" he scoffed as while Steve gave a slight tilt of the head in acknowledgement that indeed he was a little intrigued, he showed no signs of relenting. With a sigh he turned to Thor – who laughed.

"I would rather face down a herd of…" he stopped himself with shake of the head. "No."

Tony's gaze turned to Bruce who simply returned a dubious arch of the eyebrow. The billionaire let out yet another sigh.

"Fine, I'll ask him…" he turned as if to face agent Barton but instead did a full circle. "Or better yet I'll ask _her_. When _he_ is not right next to her wielding sharp, pointy things."

x-x-x

"Agent Romanov!"

Natasha inhaled deeply but turned a calm expression to Tony, arching an eyebrow as she found Tony, Bruce, Steve and Thor all filtering into the room.

"How can I help you gentlemen?"

Tony flopped down on a seat opposite Natasha, the other three hovering to the side. The billionaire arched an eyebrow.

"How's agent Barton?" he asked conversationally. "He seemed a little worse for wear earlier."

"He's fine," Natasha's eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion at the man's overly-innocent expression. "Just a few cuts and bruises."

"Good. Good, good…" Tony nodded, pausing briefly. "So… you and Clint."

Natasha barely restrained a groan and rolled her eyes.

"We are _friends_," she replied in a bored tone.

"Just friends?"

"Just friends."

"Never anything else?" Tony raised an eyebrow.

"Never anything else," Natasha replied, returning her attention to the small metal object she had been fiddling with when the men had entered. Tony leant forward in his chair, almost whispering.

"Come on you can tell us."

Natasha let out a short but clearly disgruntled sigh.

"Tell you what?"

"What you did to him when he tried it on with you," Tony grinned. "You kicked him in the nuts right?"

Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Clint has never _tried it on _with me," she replied firmly. Tony scoffed.

"Oh come on," he crossed his arms and looked back at Natasha expectantly, leaning forward finally when she did not reply. "Oh _come on_! You honestly expect us to believe that you have worked side by side all this time and nothing has _ever _happened? The two of you – side by side – all that…" he gestured loosely to the female. "All that leather and he's _never _tried anything?"

Again Natasha gave him a bored look, shrugging absently.

"I guess I'm just not his type."

Tony's scowl lifted slightly.

"And what pray tell _is _agent Barton's type?"

"I swear, I do not know," she responded earnestly.

"But how can you know you are not his type when you know not what his type is?" Thor frowned. Natasha lazily glanced over to the other three males.

"I just know."

"But you must have _some _idea!" Tony insisted. "Come on, we're intrigued now."

"_We_?" Bruce muttered to Steve who in turn just quirked his lips, giving a slight shrug of the shoulder. Natasha too just shrugged. Steve chuckled slightly.

"You're gonna have to give him something," he said diplomatically, gesturing to the frustrated looking Tony. "You know he's not going to leave this alone."

"Can't help you," Natasha glanced up and offered the captain a mildly apologetic smile before returning to the object in her hands.

"But… how can he…" Tony started to sigh heavily in frustration but stopped suddenly, sitting up alertly with an overly innocent expression returned to his face as another voice joined the conversation.

"What Natasha is trying to tell you is Barton's gay," Clint said from where he has suddenly appeared behind Tony. He gave Natasha a grateful nod as she tossed him the small metal piece in her hand – likely a bit of one of his weapons. With a quick glance at the rest of the team he sighed quietly and turned to leave the room, loudly muttering as he departed; "Not that it's anyone's business."

There was the briefest of pauses before Tony clapped his hands together.

"Well that explains it then," he grinned. Bruce too nodded, his expression one of mild bemusement. Steve and Thor however looked to one another, both looking a little relieved to see the other looked as confused as they felt.

"Ok – that word has obviously taken on new meaning," Steve was the first to speak up. "Firstly agent Barton is not what I would call merry and even if he were that does not answer your questions."

Tony looked over his shoulder expectantly at Bruce. The scientist pulled a face.

"Did you ever know any guys who..." he gestured loosely with his hands as he tried to think of a diplomatic way to explain. "…who preferred the company of other men?" this was met with a blank look from the captain. "You know..." he continued uneasily. "No interest in women..."

Steve's brows furrowed slightly.

"You mean..." his eyebrows shot up suddenly as he glanced back at the door through which agent Barton had disappeared. "Oh!"

"It's all legal now," Bruce hastily informed him. "And widely accepted. Mostly."

Steve gave a small nod to acknowledge Bruce's statement. His expression was still one of surprise but there was no visible sign of malice toward the absent agent. Tony and Bruce exchanged a satisfied look. Thor however sighed.

"As usual the Aasgardian is still confused," he spoke up. The other three men looked to one another, silently encouraging someone else to explain. Natasha rolled her eyes and clambered to her feet. Making her way over to the thunder god she stood on tip-toes to whisper in his ear. Quickly Thor's cheeks turned the colour of his cape.

"Mortal men do that to one another?" his eyes widened.

"_Some_ mortal men!" Tony hastily corrected as Natasha chuckled, hands on hips. Not that Tony knew what Natasha had said exactly. Thor just arched an eyebrow and shook his head violently, likely to dispelled the picture Natasha had painted. Knowing her quite a vivid one.

"Well that would indeed explain agent Barton's disinterest in yourself," he admitted, shaking his head again although this time not so violently. Bruce too shook his head, glancing around the group in slight despair.

"We will leave you in peace now I think Natasha," he offered the female a smile.

"Oh no! Wait a minute!" Tony turned sharply back to Natasha. "You _really_ do not know what his type is?"

"I really do not know what his type is," Natasha confirmed, _again. _She tilted her head and pulled a face as Tony looked back at her dubiously. "Honestly. As far as I know he's been single the whole time I've known him."

"Well there we have it!" Tony announced triumphantly. "That's why he's always so grumpy," in a quick, fluid motion he pulled his cell phone from his pocket, flipping it open and dialling in the blink of an eye. "Pepper? Hi," he started to make his way to the hallway but his voice drifted clearly back into the room. "Pray tell, do you have any gay friends? Single gay friends…"


End file.
